Week 1: Finding My Feet (and Hating the Name of this Blog Post)Posted: October 5, 2015
So I’m back at uni and the fact that I start every entry with “so” is beginning to really get on my nerves (also a horrible phrase). As you can probably tell, and have noticed about me generally by now, I am a bit of a mess. This week has been a little bit difficult, for a few reasons.
I shall explain, because isn’t that what this blog is all about…explanations and reflection?
My head has been buzzing (a word I have recently started using a bit too much considering its negative connotations in this part of town/Wales) with all of these different ideas and unfinished thoughts about so many different things and I can’t seem to land on anything for long enough to actually come to any kind of conclusions, and it’s driving me nuts. I have also started back at university and I might have underestimated just how difficult it would be to adjust back into the routine of going to a specific place every day instead of filling my time and space myself. I only made it in for two out of five days in the last week. My little bubble has been well and truly broken back into (ooh sexual connotations, entirely inappropriate for a uni blog) and I’m not entirely sure (yet another phrase I’ve been using too much) how I feel about it. And that in itself has been a huge part of what this week has been about, what I am feeling, and it’s exhausting but necessary.
I’m rambling. Back to the main subject-ish.
Today, for example, I had a brief conversation about the Constellation choices, and about what they entail. I shall elaborate for the benefit of the poor souls who read this blog with no inside knowledge of the little world that is CSAD. This Friday there was a presentation all about the different areas of this particular section of the course we can go into (that sounded complicated, it’s not) and we have a week to decide which ones we would prefer to work on. Last year I participated strongly in both of the freshers weeks and during the equivalent presentation I was struggling to stay in the world of the living, never mind actually take in any of the information that was being launched at us. Subsequently, I chose a subject that, while being thoroughly enriching and educational, was possibly not the best subject or teaching style for me. So this year, instead of going out the night before and ruining all chances of any improvement from last year, I had a good night’s sleep and sat in that lecture theatre taking in as much of the information as I could.
And (probably shouldn’t have started a new paragraph with ‘and’ but I’m learning to stick to my guns so it’s staying) as a result I have chosen three main lecturers and subjects to chose from out of the potential eight presented to us. The first that I enjoyed hearing about was Jayne Hall Cunnick’s subject of “The Absurd”. Although quite an anxious character (probably to do with the vast amount of art students overflowing from the lecture hall hanging on her every word) had some interesting points about existential theory and the theme of ‘the meaning of life’ immediately caught my attention, reminding me of the running conversation topic my father occasionally likes to throw in my direction to throw me off track (maybe if I take this subject I’ll be able to reply with something a little more complex than “patterns, Dad. Life is all about decisions and choices, all leading towards new paths and in theory, some eventual final destination”, although even that seems to put an end to his taunts most of the time.) As well as this, as part of her presentation, Jayne mentioned Kafka and The Metamorphosis and thanks to certain people who shall not be named (and also should stop popping up in every blog post I write) I have become aware of Kafka and his books and essays, and although eager, am yet to venture that far into philosophy.
The second lecturer and subject I am considering was Dr Martyn Woodward and his proposal to look into how we see the world, and compare this to how the world exists to other organisms and objects and onto how these worlds merge together. This brief insight into Dr Woodward’s lectures intrigued me and made me think more about how we as humans are not as advanced as we sometimes think we are (shocking I know, and yes, I will use the “man used to think the earth was flat” card). It’s exciting to think that this year I could be looking into and contemplating how different things see their surroundings and considering the fact that there is much more the eye than we know, or can physically see. I also chose this because Martyn Woodward seems like a pretty stand up guy, yes I did just say that but he said the words “check it” in his presentation and I can’t just ignore that.
My third and least interestingly thought out option is to crawl back to Jon Clarkson’s subject (after the quite blunt comments made in my Constellation reflection essay last year) and learn about contemporary art and the differences between object and event in the art world, although to be honest, while having the comfort of familiarity and probably quite enjoying the content of these classes, I doubt it would be the most productive or sensible option.
So in conclusion, I guess, uni has started and I am utterly unprepared, and as well as this, my decisions (generally) are starting to mean something and that terrifies me somewhat (I made the decision to use the word ‘somewhat’ and I regret it immediately).
Note to future self:
Write more appropriately for university you fool, lecturers read this too, and sort out your grammar and all of those brackets. This is a mess.