Failing at Constellation Already.Posted: October 9, 2015
I had the choice, to chose to take the study group based on ‘the absurd’, the meaning of life or the viewpoint of different organisms and our realities merging together. I could have chosen to do anything I wanted, I sat in that lecture theatre taking in every word that was said because I was determined to do better this year than I did in the last. The morning came around when we had to log in to Moodle and make our choices. I went to work, forgetting completely why I needed to rush home afterwards, got to the end of my shift, decided to go and get those new shoes I so desperately need, came home, opened up my laptop and started typing up a blog post. Not even one for this compulsory uni blog. I let myself get distracted and missed the time slot and this is entirely why I need to sort myself out.
Now I’m going to be randomly assigned a subject that no-one else wanted to do, so I won’t be able to swap and if I do manage to, chances are it won’t be my top choice. I have been AT MY LAPTOP. It’s not even like I was out or working and not able to fill out the form, I was literally about four clicks away to the page and I still missed it. I am so angry with myself, the whole point of the last two weeks has to re-focus and get things done and I’m screwing up again. So now I’m angrily eating yogurt on my bed, head in my hands, completely unable to focus on anything but this. This is my whole year, a whole chunk of my course messed up because I let one thing get in the way and there’s nothing I can do about it now.
I’ve been assigned my ‘Field’ subject as well; it’s ‘Engineering of the Imagination’ and I entered that one late as well. AND I can’t open up the details because of of the virus I got on my laptop so I don’t even know what that means, and I can’t check until I find my product key for Microsoft Office and I can’t believe I’ve screwed up this much in the first week of uni. This year is ruined already, and I know I’m being dramatic but it genuinely could be, and it’s only the beginning of October.